The Birth of "Self Development"

I haven't blogged on this site for about 4 years, as I have been distracted by my divorce and other things professionally.  I decided it was time to pursue my own personal development, as like many others, I would like to be more "authentic", and to pursue my own psyche into facing the reality of what I really dream of what would be the ideal for myself and those who share my life with me. 
On my way to work one day, I searched on my iphone for "free self-development podcasts" and came up with some recommended ones and started to listen.
I was captivated by a magnetic Steve Pavlina, who seemed very convincing in his podcasts from 2005-06, and listened intently on my 80 minute commute each day to work.  He talked about how he followed his dreams and became successful, happy, and healthy.  His wife was a contributor to the podcasts, talking about lucid dreaming (interesting topic) and some psychic stuff  (which was interesting but not too much into it honestly).  I had meant to go on his website/blog when I had the time, but I was preoccupied with other stuff, and quickly downloaded a couple of his books to my kindle, as I was going on a week long cruise to Alaska with my fiancé Shawn.  Of course the internet access on a cruise ship is very expensive and someone one can do without for a week (although it is tough...), but I read with interest most of one book and portions of the other with interest.  I was determined to try some of the techniques he had suggested when I got home.  I was determined to become a happier, healthier, more disciplined version of myself.  I would be easier to live with, have more energy, and be able to pursue my life purpose, which is promoting mind, body, and spirit medicine.  Of course the challenging part is that this is not nearly as lucrative as my job as an Emergency Doctor, so I'd have to keep my "day job" (well day and night job) and do the MBS medicine on the side.
I came home and resumed the chaotic reality of my life.  I was curious about what was going on with Steve Pavlina, and got on his website, stevepavlina.com and was in for a SHOCK!  He was still the self-proclaimed self help "guru" I had intently listened to previously, but now he had decided to get divorced and start promoting "open" relationships (i.e. sleeping with multiple people) under the cloud of personal growth.  I'm not that self-righteous of a person, and certainly have engaged in behaviors in my past that I'm not necessarily proud of, however, an indulgent life of this nature appeared to be a step WAY back for him.  It was contrary to all the previous principles he had taught about discipline and authenticity. 
I couldn't resist writing to him as there was a way to do so on his blog.  I was confused by his self-destructive behavior, as it is clearly physically and emotionally risky on many levels as I'm sure most people will agree.   I fully didn't expect him to respond, but he did immediately...twice.  The first time he accused my of not really knowing him and basically being ignorant.  I wrote back saying that I was a doctor and I considered myself to be a fairly intelligent person and I was concerned about him and didn't really understand why his life would take such a direction.  He wrote back again in a very snarky way, implying that most doctors he knew were very egotistical and cared only about the size of their houses and about themselves.  I wrote back basically telling him he was totally wrong (at least about me) and never heard back from him.  I included a cut and paste from his own website about how he handles criticism.  I never heard back from him. I guess I struck a nerve...
So as far as my own personal development is concerned, I am filled with more questions than answers.  I understand the self discipline philosophy etc., however, on the day after my cruise I had to unpack and get ready for work the next day, and I had full intention to make time to journal, to read, and to spend time really thinking about making a plan for handling my purpose and my future.  When having kids, however, and not being able to control others I quickly discovered this to be more challenging than I thought.  The babysitter had my car, and we went to go get the car at a predetermined time and place, but was texted at the last minute that she was running late, and then didn't answer texts or phone calls while we were out to get the car.  I was going to go grocery shopping while out (we live in the country, about 20 minutes from the store and where we were to meet her), so then I had to shop later and make a special trip.  Then one of the kids was ill, and just wanted to camp out on my lap and fall asleep while cartoons were on.  And that was my day...
So then I thought about it, and how selfish it would have been to put myself before my kids, who needed to be comforted when sick and needed food in the house to eat,
I could just ignore everyone and serve myself and my own needs, however, the reality is that I have children who depend on me, and a fiancé I love and who also deserves my time.  I have bills to pay.  The more I thought about Steve Pavlina and did research about him, the more I completely lost respect in him.  His ex-wife has full custody of both of his children, he blogs continuously in grave detail about sex and dominating women, and talks about how he needs several hours a day of "cuddling" with women (where to fit in spending time with his children I have no clue...)  He has gone off the deep end of midlife crisis and perversion and I felt more and more sorry for his children the more I read.  He only pictures beautiful young women who eat "raw food" on his blog and has a noncommittal "girlfriend" (who apparently likes to sleep with other men besides him).  I guess in a way I'm a little heartbroken that the influence and possible mentor I thought I'd found is that troubled as a person, but also the psychopathology about how he spiraled out of control as "insanely" interesting.  There have been some very vocal critics of him which has been fascinating.  Seems like he prefers superficial relationships with multiple people above the deep commitment (and I believe many rewards, both short and long term) of a monogamous marriage and investing in his own children to be a loving example of how a person should be.  I feel sorry for him.  I wonder where all those cuddly women will be when he is an old, dying man...Will his children forgive him?
I have concluded that I could read every self-help book every written and get tidbits from many, but indeed it is up to myself ultimately.  I can't rely on any one person, because so many of those who capitalize on this industry are indeed very troubled personally (and I thought I had problems...).  So I am a work in progress and the only thing I can figure is how writing a blog in an honest way is a great way for me to grow myself, even if no one reads it!  Maybe I will learn something myself and be able to help someone else in the process, which would be very gratifying.
We all need to laugh at ourselves.  Life is a very funny thing and so unpredictable.  I want to roll with it and teach others the same.  I want to feel good about my path and make others feel good about theirs...authentically!!